i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
