I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
