Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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