I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
