The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's get the cat blown out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
