sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
