I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
