Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
