I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
