you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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