I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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