my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
