True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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