Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
