she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
