All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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