Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
