fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
