I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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