My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
