Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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