i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
