She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
