i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
