Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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