Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
