I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
