He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
