I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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