One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
