guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
