I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
