Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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