I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
