i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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