Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
