you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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