they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
