what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
