i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How does one acquire holy water?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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