Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
