I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
