He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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