My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
