are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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