eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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