I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
