Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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