Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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