I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
