he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
