I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
