I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
