Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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