oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
