I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
