Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
be right there i have to get my cape
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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