sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
